The Aftermath
by Katastrophehusband
Summary: When a death occurs, a heartbroken Kevin is left to grieve.
1. Chapter 1

_"Suicide carries in its aftermath a level of confusion and devastation that is beyond description." - Kay Jamison _

Kevin woke up with tears on his face. His crying woke him up. With his nose plugged up terribly and his chest aching, he stood up and wobbled upstairs to the bathroom. When he turned the lights on, he could barely keep his eyes open. The lights seemed like acid to his eyes. He ran the cold water and splashed some onto his eyelids, which brought very little relief. He looked at his reflection disgusted.

His face was swollen and puffy, with red around his painfully bloodshot eyes. Bags laid under his eyes, signs of his irregular sleeping patterns. His nose, bright red, was stuffed up and dripping with snot. It wasn't just his physical appearance that disgusted him. His deeply disturbing dreams haunted him repeatedly, making him feel sick. They were a constant reminder of what he was trying to forget. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the blood.

Kevin shut off the water and got a wad of toilet paper to blow his nose with. Once he could breathe out of his nostrils again, he looked into to mirror. As he looked into his own eyes, he started crying again. His sobs shook his whole body as he looked at himself crying. He looked so pathetic and hated to see tears fall from his own eyes, but if he looked away, he'd see _him_.

Edd.

It had been four months since graduation day. It was the day everyone waited for. Their school years, full of growing friendship, drama, and knowledge within the Peach Creek School District was over. Everyone would go their separate ways, but they all promised to keep in touch. Edd graduated the top of his class, with straight A's and a scholarship to the college of his dreams. He was valedictorian, and had much more going for him that just school. In freshman year, Kevin and him fell in love.

Everyone said they were too young, but they didn't listen. Their passion and pure sincerity continued to senior year. They never dreamed of leaving each other. They were eachothers firsts. First kiss, first love, first boyfriend. They held eachothers virginity, and that was irreplaceable. They planned their future together. They talked about moving away to a nicer town and adopting children. They talked about their wedding and how everything would look. They talked as if they had all the time in the world. That's how it is when you're in love. But the time they had together soon ended, though the love is still strong.

When Edd prepared for his valedictory speech, he started to act different. When Kevin asked what was wrong, every time he always got the same answer._ "Nothing. I'm fine." _Kevin brushed it off, assuming his boyfriend was just stressed about speaking in front of an audience. He always worried too much. Kevin left a note that day to Edd and slipped it in his locker. A few simple lines of encouragement with an _"I love you" _incorporated into it. Kevin thought it would help. Right before he went up to give his speech, Kevin kissed him and whispered in his ear,_ "Good luck, sweetie. I love you." _

Edd didn't say anything back.

When he finished the speech, he paused for a second, and reached in his gown, into his pants and pulled out a hand gun. He looked into the audience and said, _"I always knew I'd to out with a big bang" _before putting the barrel in his mouth and pulling the trigger.

The amount of blood was insane. It gushed out, staining the floor. Much more blood than anyone had ever seen before. Kevin still sees it in his head everyday. That one last phrase echoed on in his dreams. He would constantly wake up in sobs and for the first three weeks, friends stayed over, taking turns watching him until he felt safe to be alone. But even alone, he did t function well.

He'd read the note Edd left over and over until he memorised it. He even got a tattoo of his handwriting within the first two months of Edd's death. He read the obituary over and over, and watched videos of them together. The roses from his funeral were in a purple vase on his nightstand, and the house still reeked of flowers people had sent. Sympathy cards were on every end table, and his heart still ached. Every call, every_ "How are you holding up?" _was like salt in his sliced up heart.

Tonight was a bad night. He took off his shirt and his fingers stroked Edd's handwriting over his heart. With tears still falling, he dialled Nazz, but couldn't form actual words, just one. _"Nazz."_ She came over immediately with Rolf and they calmed Kevin down. His eyes were still watering as he fell asleep.


	2. The Aftermath Chapter 2

Kevin woke up and a tired Nazz was looking at him. He rubbed his burning eyes. "Rolf left for work an hour ago." She said, quietly as she sat down on his bed. Kevin sat up and sighed as his fingers ran through his hair. For a moment, everything was silent aside from the TV, that had been turned down tremendously.

"...I'm sorry, Nazz." Kevin started. Nazz didn't say anything as she peered into her cup of coffee, as if to collect her thoughts. "It's okay." She says, quietly. She clears her throat and looks at him. "...Bad night?" She asks. Kevin laughs to himself and lets himself fall back on the bed, hands covering his face. "Awful."

Nazz didn't laugh.

She and Rolf had felt compelled to take care of Kevin. They always had, from the moment he and Edd came out. They knew that people wouldn't accept it. The majority of their graduating class were okay with the recently out couple, but there were a few kids who got in the way of equality. A few people who abandoned lifetime friends because of love and orientation.

Everyone knew that Jonny was a bit weird. No one knew, however, that he would be so conservative and hateful. Kevin thought about this as he and Nazz sat on the bed, and he kept thinking during the silent car ride to Kevin's therapy appointment.

Kevin's therapist, Jeff, couldn't be older than 35. Tall, about 6'4, his physique was athletic and lean, with the clearest brown skin Kevin had ever seen. His hair, a deep ebony colour, was longer than average and always tucked behind his ears, neatly until one side fell, leaving one side tucked neatly and one side down. He always had stubble, which worked for him. His dark brown eyes always showed sincerity and kindness, which is exactly what Kevin needed today.

In the waiting room, Kevin was alone again, as Nazz had left for work. Kevin planned on taking the bus home. He didn't feel alone, though. Kevin knew for a fact that there was a big difference in being alone and being lonely. Sometimes it was good to be alone to collect your thoughts. That's exactly what he was doing in the waiting room. His thoughts were lonely, but he wasn't. He was still figuring how that could be when someone interrupted him.

"You seeing Jeff?" Kevin looked up to see a guy about his age, about 5'11 with light brown skin and dark brown eyes that seemed to never end. His hair looked so soft, though aggressively close on the sides and back with a floppy bit of dark brown hair remaining in the middle. He was wearing a black sleeveless shirt, which read "_NEVERMIND THE BOLLOCKS HERE'S THE SEX PISTOLS_" and his black pants were skin tight and torn at the knees. An eyebrow piercing was only one of the three on his face. Kevin was taken aback. He's never seen many people his age here, and definitely not one who looked like this.

"Y..yeah.." Kevin stuttered, as the guy sat down a seat away from him while nodding his head. "I'm David. And you?" He asked. Kevin looked blank for a moment before replying, "Kevin."

David extended his arm, and the two shook hands, which confused Kevin even more. "So, how do you like him?" David questioned, leaning back, one arm supported by an arm rest, the other supporting his head. His legs crossed at the knee, as Kevin answered, "...He's great." Kevin shifted awkwardly in his chair. "Bit annoying, eh? Very pretentious." David said, a bit louder than a normal speaking voice. Kevin shrugged. "I guess." He said in an undertone. This time David looked blank. "Pardon?" He asked after a moment, laughing to himself.

"Uh.." Kevin cleared his throat. "I said _I guess?"_ Kevin repeated, his voice cracking at the end of his sentance. David didn't seem to notice, as he just nodded and continued, "He acts so _zen_." David air quoted, snorting. "Bit of an asshole, eh?" Kevin shrugged again, and the two waited in silence.

Kevin pretended to read a magazine while his mind trailed. He was thinking about Edd. His mind didn't recall any certain memories at the momentbrut just characteristics. The way he held Kevin while they were falling asleep, and the way his mouth curved into the most amazing smile when he was waking up next to Kevin in the morning. He thought of the colour of his hair and how he refused to let any hair aside from on his head come through, religiously shaving every bit of unwanted hair daily. He thought of his voice sleepily greeting him, and how his lips felt pressed into his skin.

"Kevin?" A voice interrupted his thoughts, and a hand touched his forearm. He looked up from the same page he was staring at to see David. "Buddha called you in." He cracked a half smile that was even more beautiful than Edd's.


	3. The Aftermath Chapter 3

Kevin thought of Buddha and David's smile as he sat in Jeff's office. It was a fairly big room, one half looking professional, the other half very messy due to the art supplies and toys sprawled across the floor. Near his desk in the back of the room stood two bookshelves, containing wood-woven boxes, children's books on hard topics and board games on the top. Kid's artwork was sprawled across the wall, making the room appear less office-like. There was a couch and two armchairs around a table, this area looking clean as could be. This is where him and his clients talked.

Jeff met with a variety of people, and nothing much shocked or disturbed him. Being a family therapist and marriage counsellor, he's obviously dealt with a wide amount of issues. Kevin's been seeing Jeff since his parents got divorced one year ago. He never thought seeing Jeff was necessary until Edd died. Now, he couldn't imagine life without Jeff, the mental health professional trained in psychotherapy. Jeff always starts the appointments with "How was your week?" Today, Kevin wanted to talk, but not about his week. He had to work his way around his shyness and inability to speak openly and truthfully about his feelings. So, instead of the usual question about his week, Kevin started the discussion.

"You know a lot about families?" Kevin heard himself question. He then realised his question had an obvious answer, and felt the embarrassment creep up. Jeff didn't laugh at him, though. "I'm trained to understand families. I'm licensed to-" Jeff cuts himself off when he realises Kevin is dying to talk. "Why is it that some people feel like family when they aren't?" Jeff made a face that signalled that he was thinking, but Kevin continued to talk. "I know what you're going to say. I know deep emotional connections aren't always from family, but I feel like he was home. He was my family. My heart. Why is it that it can just be taken away from you that quick?" Jeff's eyebrow raised, and Kevin sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"I don't know, Kevin. I know it's not fair, but he had his reasons for doing what he did. We can't help that. All we can do is deal with the aftermath of the situation and try our best to heal. Am I helping you with that?" Jeff asked slowly, his eyebrows moving down with every word. Kevin shrugged. "Yeah. But I'm not helping myself. I keep thinking too much, I don't let myself enjoy life. Sometimes, I wish he would have just killed someone else. That would have been easier to deal with." Kevin's words shocked himself, and Jeff scribbled something down. "Any particular person?" Jeff asked, not looking up from his clipboard. Kevin laughed slightly through his nose. He knew what Jeff was expecting to hear.

"No one deserves to die. Not even Jonny. Definitely not Edd. But I'm saying, if it was necessary for someone to die, it shouldn't have been Edd." Kevin put his hands over his head and rubbed his eyes in frustration. He looked up to meet Jeff's eyes, eyes that pleaded for more discussion. "I was going to marry him, Jeff. I was. I knew it. I felt it in my gut. I know we were young, but we were going to do it eventually. We promised." Kevin shifted in his seat uncomfortably again. Jeff cleared his throat. "Being young doesn't mean you can't be in love. Love happens at any age. You and Edd connected deeply, earlier than most people. That's okay." There was a pause with no eye contact as Kevin thought. But Jeff continued, "But if not Edd, who would die?"

"I don't know. Someone who doesn't matter, I guess." Kevin did a bit of a half smirk as he said this. "Doesn't everyone matter, though?" Jeff scribbled a short note as Kevin answered, "I guess not."

When the hour was up, and Kevin was leaving, David was still in the waiting room. "How'd it go with Gandhi?" He shot another smile, obviously pleased with the nicknames he gave Jeff. Kevin gave a weak half-smile back. "Alright. It was okay. When do you see him?" He asked. "Oh, I don't see him. I don't see anyone." David laughed. "I just mess around around these parts. I've got nothing better to do. Where you headed?" David asked, quickly changing the subject. Kevin was confused, but gave a slightly uneasy laugh and said "Uh, Peach Creek. I'm taking the bus." David gave his blank look again, and Kevin suspected drug use. "...Peach Creek? I'm headed there, too." He said unsurely, after a second.

"Yeah, that's what I said. Who are you friends with in Peach Creek?" Kevin asked. "Friends? No friends. Ex friend. But whatever. Need a ride?" David spat out, quickly and loudly. "Ahh... No..." Kevin started, then suddenly remembered what public transport was like. "Well, I mean, if it isn't a hassle.." He added. "Not at all." David smiled again. And just like that, they were off.


End file.
